RM1

Hmm

No offence to the religious janta. We respect you sentiments.

Sorry

What did the bus conductor say to Baba when baba gave him a 500 Rupee note?
You're perfect. Now change

A story about my luck with Women - 'Burn'

What happens when a Cannabis shipment falls into a tribal village - Ranti Nasha

A collaborative poem effort by George Michael and Elton John - 'Violate'

A story about a sceptical armoured tank - 'Blasted beyond belief'


I was forced to post this. By Vinit. Apologies

BM2

The very fantabulous Kunal Kakodkar took some pictures of Bhayanak Maut at Marimba Lounge last Thursday.

Check them out here :-->

http://blog.kunalkakodkar.com/pics-bhayanak-maut-marimba-bhayanakmaut

Thank you Kunal.

This is for you.

You know you want it.
You know you can get it, cause
Nobody else can.

Jobs

Jobs. The most fundamental form of Nihilistic nemesis. It's funny when people want to live a righteous, non-conformist life, free of social norms and obligations. Inside everyone, there is a Christopher Mccandless who wants to get the hell out of the city and into the mountains where you can hunt for food, swim for recreation and dig for sexual satisfaction. But look what happened to Christopher Mccandless in the end. If you thought the film was beautiful and melancholically serene, you're right. It was. But the truth is, the guy died a regret-filled, lonely death. His agent and publisher probably made a lot of money but that's besides the point.

Coming back to jobs. We all hate them. I haven't met a single person who enjoys his work more than he enjoys the weekend. It's just not possible. Unless that person is a Marijuana farmer, a professional musician, a male porn-star, or a lying bastard. We need the money. So we become the weekend warriors, trudging through the 5 or 6 days to see dawn ejaculate on your sunday so that you can enjoy a late breakfast and two awkward hours in the evening with friends that have now become acquaintances.

So yeah, that's that. There will always be a Canadian dream, a Goan dream, a Manali dream. But the truth is, you will be where you are. You will have the odd vacation - a bastard child of the long weekend, where you will go 100 km outside the city limits and think, that some day you will give all of it away and retire in the mountains - shooting shit with the birds, chewing on a hay stem, playing old songs on your guitar and smiling into the crimson sunset.

But you'll always return to the city. The city, where you will block your nose with your handkerchief against the fecal stench of a 12 hour monday; with sweat running down the back of your white shirt, praying that you get a seat in the train, praying that your boss will have that much-promised appraisal meeting with you, praying that tonight you mother will not complain, praying that the hot little thing from accounts makes eye contact with you so that you can grow balls five years later to ask her out, praying that your ex-wife does not bang the world like she promised, praying that some day your life will end and you will not be left to clean the bed that you shat on, because you're 73 and your sphincter has become as reliable as the pension ads on TV that promise you a well-endowed life.

A message from Vinay

Hi,

Yup, I'm going. 7 years and 2 deaf ears.
What will I miss about being with the superbly-awesome and fantasmo Bhayanak Maut?

Let me list the top 10 :
- Live gigs!
- Food!
- Alcohol!
- Fanboys who kiss your hand!
- 4 hour "Taboo" sessions!
- Greg and Sebastian!
- Getting your picture taken by an over-excited teenager!
- Jamming in Jordan Vegas' jam room
- The BM guys
- Growling

Thank you all for making me feel so good. I'm humbled by your love.
God bless.
Vinay

I...see...drunk...people

Guwahati is the shite.
Here's why:
- My last show with Ras-al-gul on drums
- My best show ever with Bhayanak Maut
- Started a mini-riot
- Saw drunk people dance on stage during our performance and enjoyed every moment of it
- Got hugged ON STAGE during a song by random men. Yes, more than one man.
- Got kissed on hand by random male who made very "come hither" advances after he did the deed
- Played shit-loads of taboo
- Drank shit-loads of fine Assam tea

I will miss being with Bhayanak Maut. I will.

Guwahati 2

So we played the most awesome show ever. The crowd broke the barricades and swamped the stage. But we also went through a 9 hour flight ordeal. Some quotes from the trip.

The Ragul - "I have good news and bad news. But they're both the same. Another joint is being rolled."
Vinit - "If i ever invite you guys to join my fanpage, just kill me."
PomPom of Death metal fame " I want the Princess delight."
Random guy at the gig - "I WANT BOILED FILATURE UNWOUNDED!!!"
Gig Compere right after i give her the cigarette that she asked for " Is this drugs or smoke?"
Pompom of Dandruff fame to airhostess after half a step into the flight "Can i have a glass of water?"

Not one hot woman in Guwahati. Not one.

Guwahati

So we're leaving for Guwahati in about 9 hours. So wish us luck. And if we get abducted by them naxals, please pay for the ransom cause our parents sure as shit wont. If you pay our ransom, maybe we can get together for a drink or coffee. Maybe that one meeting gives way to a couple more. Maybe we have obligatory issues and feel that the only way to repay you is by having sex with you. Dirty, dirty sex. Think gerbils, clowns and paint thinner. We're pretty classy that way.

Guwahati and the end

Last time together.
Seven years have gone by quick.
One thought : must break stage.

BM 1

God is watching

You know, i've always wondered about god and if he exists, and what is it that he was smoking when he designed Jessica alba or Kanye west for that matter. So yeah, you know when bad things happen to you, one always wonders "Where is God?", "Why is he not helping me?" or "Why did i agree to rim that chick i did last month". It's funny; not from a philosophical point of view, but from a very vouyeristic perspective. God did not help you because:

1. That time you worked in a callcenter, you laughed when that guy with laryngeal cancer answered the phone and sounded like a robot
2. Every time you take a suspicious smelling dump, you get up to look at it.
3. You fake laughed in front of your friends everytime they played 'Rest in peace' by The Salvation Crusade.
4. You cried when you watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham
5. You had conversations with your television and wanted to be the 7th 'Friend'
6. You did not buy the Bhayanak Maut album

Anyone can write Haiku.

Anyone can write.
Especially Haiku.
Bhayanak Maut too.

Afternoon

Oh, afternoon nap. You are like the exotic latin mistress that the protagonist gets to bed only once and almost once more.

'person' and his knee

A ligament torn.
A photo shoot rescheduled.
Person say, fuck my life.

Burning Eyes - Haiku

I squint while eye burn.
'Eye Cool', will help me cool it.
Need I say anymore?

Kneesha

So i got myself a knee-ligament tear last night. It's this aggravated injury from 4 years ago where i did the same during an ATC gig.

You know what they say about shit coming back to haunt you. Like doing a Haitian chick in goa and then she calling you and telling you that when she said "I want you inside me", she meant it . Only more painful.

The truth

You never called.
So I promptly disconnected.

"Haiku Break" or "What Happened At The Bhayanak Maut Rolling Stone Photo Shoot Last Night".

Saucer was broken.
Knee cap was busted too, ouch.
Doctor stayed at home.

French fried

Hey Clement, apologies for this delay in replying to your questions. I'm Vinay, one of the vocalists and here are my answers:


1. Hey gentlemen, nice to meet you. First of all, could you introduce your band and its members to our readers? And... how we poor French should pronounce "Bhayanak Maut"?
Vinit has done an awesome job on introducing the band members. Thank you Vinit. I shall think about buying you a beer. In the meantime, make do with my compliment. Now I would like to introduce the band's members to you. They are : Cock, Lund, Penis, Choo-choo, Wee-wee and Pee-pee. They send you their best.

2. "Bhayanak Maut" means "Terrible Death" in hindi, what does it exactly mean for you? (I read it is inspired by a Ramsay Brothers' movie, but since I didn't see any, I don't get the point)
Shouldn't you ask this question after you see a Ramsay Brothers' movie? Now, now, don't be lazy. Go ahead and watch "Bhayanak Maut" by the Ramsay Brothers. I wish I could find the poster for the movie; you'd love it. If you can't watch the movie, no sweat, watch "Gunda" instead.

Here's the link : http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4533128454129747129&ei=qgxdS5ifJoGUwgPMw_3qCw&q=gunda#

Try and enjoy the film without subtitles. We did.

3. How would you describe your sound?
I would describe it as a taste : Yummy, like chunky peanut butter.

4. What bands/artists influenced you and made you want to tear down the walls with your shock wave sounds?
Mithun Chakraborty is God. Mimoh Chakraborty is a mistake.


5. It's not that usual in metal to use dual singers, what about this choice?
We couldn't find three singers. So we used two. The dual vocal attack is, by the way, called "the guttural twins".


6. What could you tell us about your album released on August of this year?
It released itself quite smoothly.


7. The album has received a 4 star rating in the last September Rolling Stone Magazine, right? How did you feel about such recognition?
It felt exactly like the happiness you feel when your band's album gets a 4 star rating in Rolling Stone magazine.


8. And what could you tell about "Hell is all People" and "Malignant", your previous recordings?
Don't remember those albums. Scarred memories.


9. I discovered your band with "Malignant" EP back in 2006. Your sound was quite aggressive and violent, and I was like "Woah, Indian people can freakin' make it! Why don't they come in Europe?". Since there's a lot of big Metal fests all over the continent, do you have any plan to play gigs out there?
Read this sentence very very carefully: 1 Euro = Rs. 65
You live on an expensive continent my friend. We live in a poor country. We're currently happy playing to poor metal heads. You rich Europeans should come to India to listen to us. Will fit in your "I'm taking a year-long sabbatical to backpack across the world" budgets. Really.


10. How is your audience in India when you play gigs? Is there only regular fans or is the community increasing?
They're well-groomed and well-dressed. They're fashion conscious and have clean teeth and are also lice-free. This makes concerts a thoroughly enjoyable experience for us.


11. Misanthropy and violence are relatively persistant topics in your lyrics. Is it something personal and concerning Indian culture, or just coming from Metal common anger themes?
I write the lyrics. They're about girls, flowers, underwear and body fluids. If you read anything else in those lyrics, then I suggest you see a shrink.


12. The Metal "boom" is getting bigger these years in India, a lot of bands uprising from the subcontinent. What's your opinion about this fad?
The "boom" is getting bigger cause the sound engineers at concerts in India have discovered the volume knob on their sound consoles. If that's a fad then i hope it lasts at least a couple of years.


13. To finish, India is mainly known in Europe for Bollywood movies, dances and spices. What are your opinions about these stereotypes? What would you like to make known about India?
India smells wonderful. We have clean toilets and government authorized cannabis sellers. We're polite to westerners and would love to make bastard children with the women. Come to India. Come watch Bhayanak Maut.


14. Thanks a lot for your time guys. What are your final words for people going to buy your CD?
Tujha Aicha Gho.

Metal Hammer UK Interview - The one that will never be published

1) A metal scene in India? How?!!

India ought to be known as the Great Grand Father of the World Metallurgical Industry. However, due to unfortunate historical circumstances, many Indians themselves remain unaware of this fact. The art of Bronze Casting had been practiced in India for several centuries before the Modern World Discovered "Metallurgy". Copper and Bronze were perhaps the earliest Non-Ferrous Metals which man shaped into tools. Metal is part of the Indian mystique as each Metal has its own alchemic and healing powers as documented in ancient Indian Scriptures written over 5000 years ago. Metal in India has been used as a way of expressing Art in several forms using techniques such as Inlay, Casting, Carving, Applique Enameling, Engraving, Scratching, Wiring etc. Metal craft has been an integral part of Indian culture. So has Metal music – it’s just that Indians have never known it. Silly Indians. Bhayanak Maut’s sole purpose in this life is to make Indian Metal (which, coincidentally, won’t be found in the periodic table) known to people (of all colours, races, genders, sexual preferences, educational backgrounds and follicular capacity). Yes, we’re going to fail miserably and we don’t care. There’s another theory to this bizarre phenomenon (Metal in India, not our failure to propagate it) - You British bastards ruled over our land for three hundred years. And when you left, you gifted us the art of wearing 3 piece suits, education that helps you get a job, vehicular manslaughter and Metal. You know, just like the Hip-Hop scene in London.

2) Is it hard being a metal band in India?

Oh yeah. Them curly-toed slippers make it difficult to play Metal on stage.

Look man, Metal makes us hard. Sometimes, it makes us really really hard. Like hot iron ingots in your pants. It can get uncomfortable. The sheer magnanimity of the heaviness can weigh you down. But that’s just the opportunity that you’ve gotta grab with both hands (kind of like grabbing a cow’s udders) and milk the opportunity dry. Cows are holy in India, like Elton John. Nice udders on that queer, by the way.

3) How come you don't sing in an Indian language?

Hmmmm. Yeh padh key dikha, chal.

You twits brought one language here (thanks for not bringing the tasteless food) but you forgot to take back a few when you returned in 1947 (You didn’t forget the Kohinoor Diamond, did you?). There are over 400 spoken languages in this fucking country. Feel free to choose one and write a song for us.

4) Is metal in India even more about rebellion, since you're being force-fed bollywood and pop music so much?

We’re being force-fed a lot of shit nowadays. The Recession is over and we gotta put back all that weight we lost in 2009. We're not force-fed Bollywood and Pop. We’re human beings just like you lot and do have the freedom to choose to listen to what we want to – really. Yes, really, we’re allowed to choose. The sad thing is most people here LIKE that kind of stuff. (We’re sure some of your forefathers’ blood is running in those Bollywood lovers….Bad taste is something that you British left behind too). Then there are those that listen to other kinds of noise like Drum and bass, Hip-hop and Rap. The rest listen to Metal and chill.

5) Why haven't we seen bands like Demonic or BM tour UK?

Well, you know we have phone numbers in this country too. Just like you. Get in touch with our manager. He’s a nice guy. Speaks English. No funny accent. Get us to the motherland.

6) Would you say you are more metal than metal bands in Europe/USA because you don't get to see bands much, can't buy CDs in stores, can't make a career out of making music and so on?

We wouldn't say we're more metal. We're as metal with a little bit of curry and spice. And we get to see international bands playing shows and listen to their CDs with this special thing called the Internet. It’s pretty awesome. We’re aiming to get faster internet connections as dowry when we get married. Till then 2MBPS should suffice.

#

So i ask the man, "How hast thou weareth such exquisite robes? Such astute statements against the norms of our daily misgivings?" And then speaketh the man, "Gaand mara chutiye"

Fat Haiku

I am fat I am.
Do not lie to me say eyes.
Eat now, we must, say Yoda.

1 sentence. 1 thought.

It will happen.

Arse n all

Sophie Choudhary was wet too. And I want to tap that ass.

Pooja Bedi - I will ravish you with my bare pause

Pooja Bedi was wet.

Jack daniels. Oh, and the awards too

So we went for the JD rock awards at HRC last night and MAN was it a party. Yes it was. A PAGE3 party. Inappropriately dressed members of the rock fraternity mingling with the who's goo of the Bombay Page3 socialite randwagon - botox whores and viagra geezers. But also present there were barely legal girls and an open bar. That pretty much killed it for us bways.

Uday Benegal is the MAN, That dude from emperor minge made a big place for himself and his wig in everyone's hearts, i got really drunk and Shahzahn Padamsee got really hot. That's about it.

Oh, and our friend and electrician, Anupam Roy of fudgepacker fame won best producer and Bhayanak Maut won the Critics choice award for Album of the year.

Oh No! Yoko

30 seconds into the earshcplittenloudenboomer crap that is "John Lennon & Yoko Ono - Cambridge 1969" and you know why Chapman shot Lennon.

Yoko Ono controls minds. With Banshee wails. She's powerful.

I'm sure he pointed the gun at her, intent on permanently eliminating the waste that is that Japanese .

She wailed. She entered his mind. He changed his target. He shot Lennon.

Bastard woman.

Twin speak.

"Ah!", I said to Sunneith.

"Ha!", he replied.

That's all you need to know for today.

*wave hands frantically*

This is where you can take a peep into the minds of the Guttural twins. You'd find the odd band update and lyrics posts. But this is where we'd post the most perverse and rancid details about what is going on with us in our lives. Expect a lot of puns and graphic wordplay. This is the kind of stuff that the japanese beat off to.