Monday, February 8, 2010

Metal Hammer UK Interview - The one that will never be published

1) A metal scene in India? How?!!

India ought to be known as the Great Grand Father of the World Metallurgical Industry. However, due to unfortunate historical circumstances, many Indians themselves remain unaware of this fact. The art of Bronze Casting had been practiced in India for several centuries before the Modern World Discovered "Metallurgy". Copper and Bronze were perhaps the earliest Non-Ferrous Metals which man shaped into tools. Metal is part of the Indian mystique as each Metal has its own alchemic and healing powers as documented in ancient Indian Scriptures written over 5000 years ago. Metal in India has been used as a way of expressing Art in several forms using techniques such as Inlay, Casting, Carving, Applique Enameling, Engraving, Scratching, Wiring etc. Metal craft has been an integral part of Indian culture. So has Metal music – it’s just that Indians have never known it. Silly Indians. Bhayanak Maut’s sole purpose in this life is to make Indian Metal (which, coincidentally, won’t be found in the periodic table) known to people (of all colours, races, genders, sexual preferences, educational backgrounds and follicular capacity). Yes, we’re going to fail miserably and we don’t care. There’s another theory to this bizarre phenomenon (Metal in India, not our failure to propagate it) - You British bastards ruled over our land for three hundred years. And when you left, you gifted us the art of wearing 3 piece suits, education that helps you get a job, vehicular manslaughter and Metal. You know, just like the Hip-Hop scene in London.

2) Is it hard being a metal band in India?

Oh yeah. Them curly-toed slippers make it difficult to play Metal on stage.

Look man, Metal makes us hard. Sometimes, it makes us really really hard. Like hot iron ingots in your pants. It can get uncomfortable. The sheer magnanimity of the heaviness can weigh you down. But that’s just the opportunity that you’ve gotta grab with both hands (kind of like grabbing a cow’s udders) and milk the opportunity dry. Cows are holy in India, like Elton John. Nice udders on that queer, by the way.

3) How come you don't sing in an Indian language?

Hmmmm. Yeh padh key dikha, chal.

You twits brought one language here (thanks for not bringing the tasteless food) but you forgot to take back a few when you returned in 1947 (You didn’t forget the Kohinoor Diamond, did you?). There are over 400 spoken languages in this fucking country. Feel free to choose one and write a song for us.

4) Is metal in India even more about rebellion, since you're being force-fed bollywood and pop music so much?

We’re being force-fed a lot of shit nowadays. The Recession is over and we gotta put back all that weight we lost in 2009. We're not force-fed Bollywood and Pop. We’re human beings just like you lot and do have the freedom to choose to listen to what we want to – really. Yes, really, we’re allowed to choose. The sad thing is most people here LIKE that kind of stuff. (We’re sure some of your forefathers’ blood is running in those Bollywood lovers….Bad taste is something that you British left behind too). Then there are those that listen to other kinds of noise like Drum and bass, Hip-hop and Rap. The rest listen to Metal and chill.

5) Why haven't we seen bands like Demonic or BM tour UK?

Well, you know we have phone numbers in this country too. Just like you. Get in touch with our manager. He’s a nice guy. Speaks English. No funny accent. Get us to the motherland.

6) Would you say you are more metal than metal bands in Europe/USA because you don't get to see bands much, can't buy CDs in stores, can't make a career out of making music and so on?

We wouldn't say we're more metal. We're as metal with a little bit of curry and spice. And we get to see international bands playing shows and listen to their CDs with this special thing called the Internet. It’s pretty awesome. We’re aiming to get faster internet connections as dowry when we get married. Till then 2MBPS should suffice.